The 3 Parts of Empathy: Thoughts, Feelings and Actions

 

There are 3 parts of empathy, which have more formal names but can be more easily understood as thoughts, feelings and actions. When most people think about and discuss empathy, they tend to focus on the cognitive aspect, empathetic thoughts – ie “putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.” To truly practice empathy, however, all 3 parts are required.

Why is empathy important? It’s how we connect with others and build strong relationships, and research consistently finds relationships to be the top predictor of personal and professional success – and even longevity. Increase Empathy is one of the core skills in the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence, which has been linked to life success in multiple research studies

The 3 Parts of Empathy

Here’s a short description of each part of empathy:


1. Cognitive empathy

Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand someone else’s perspective and what they might be thinking and feeling. It’s the thinking part of empathy, and as the name suggests, it happens on a cognitive level. You make an educated guess based on your own knowledge and past experiences. You put yourself in the other person’s shoes, as the saying goes. This is a crucial first step of engaging with empathy.

2. Emotive empathy

Emotive empathy is feeling with someone – “your pain in my heart.” It goes beyond just the cognitive and is not above or apart from them, but together with them. You stand shoulder-to-shoulder with that other person and feel with them. We’re biologically wired for this, with mirror neurons that fire both when we experience an emotion and similarly when we see others experiencing an emotion. When we see someone being sad, for example, our mirror neurons fire and that allows us to experience the same sadness and to feel empathy. We don’t need to “think” about the other person being sad – we actually experience it firsthand. This both happens automatically and it’s a choice we make to let ourselves experience that feeling with them, especially since we’re socialized to not let ourselves feel uncomfortable feelings. More on this socialization below.

3. Empathic action

Empathic action is the doing part of empathy. It goes beyond simply understanding others and sharing their feelings: it actually moves us to take action, to help however we can. That comes in many forms, depending on the situation, ranging from direct help, to asking how you can help, to just sitting in silence with them and not “doing” anything, which is often exactly what that person needs us to “do.”

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